A Gift for Yourself

This could make you sad or even cry, if you're not in the mood for that today, come back another time. It is an older post with an update.

I awoke recently with a very pleasant feeling. The feeling was almost overwhelming. It was similar to falling in love. Bliss, maybe? Before I opened my eyes, I search my brain for what could have stirred up such an emotion.

A wonderful dream.

I play it over in my brain, putting it in order. Three men stared in my dream. One is an old classmate, Curt. The second man, I do not know, appeared only one time standing between the other two men. The last is a very tall blond, we have just started dating. I know he was the one who sent me into bliss.

I am in a dimly lit tunnel. Everyone around me is rushing. I feel the need
to get somewhere too.  A familiar face comes into view, it is my friend Curt.
He is here to help me.  But no! He violently slams me to the ground.
Everyone is gone and I cannot get to where I need to go. I am sad,
broken and naked. Aware of my nakedness, I search for clothing but
cannot lift my arms to put it on. The tall blond man appears.
He helps me to my feet. Standing naked in front of him,
he dresses me. There is a smile on his face.  
I am in a clothing store, the three men appear at the front. I notice it is Curt,
another man and the blond I had been dating. Memories of the tunnel
fill my head. I want to avoid Curt but I need to avoid the blond man
more. He had seen me sad, broken, and naked. Embarrassment
and shame rush in when I recall the smile on his face.
I sneak around toward the exit, I am almost there when
someone grabs my arm. It is the blond man. He is smiling that
smile again. It feels different this time. “You are smiling that smile,
what does it mean? Why do you smile at me like that?” He says;
“I have seen all of you; your pain, your hurt, your broken bones.
I have seen all of you and…
I love you.”

The dream ends with him about to kiss me thus creating that blissful feeling upon me as I woke. The men represent my past, present and future. Curt represents my past self, the one that slammed me down to the ground when I needed to do something important. The man I don’t know, is my current self. The blond man is my future self. He represents the bliss I can feel if I allow myself to be vulnerable.

I found many meanings in this dream but the main message is clear: your future holds bliss if you can allow yourself to be vulnerable. What a gift I have been given with this message.

Give yourself a gift and listen to your dreams, both in wake and sleep.

Update: The past has recently slammed down again in wake because I allowed myself to be vulnerable. The pain from allowing yourself to be vulnerable (true authentic self) is not for sissies. It helps if you think of the pain as not being yours(detachment). Treat it as if it does not belong to you. Observe it without judgement.  Allow it, as you would a toddler, to have its tantrum. It will pass. It will pass. Your vulnerability has a beautiful side effect. It helps you see who you can trust. (yourself) Feelings of irritation and annoyance with people and situations have already clued you in but you have not learned to trust nor understand all of your emotions/feelings yet- do not be angry at yourself for this realization. If you have had many warnings,do not be upset about this either. It is your job to love and trust…it is your natural state, a blissful state- yes?   

Vulnerability, if you let yourself be so, will set you free.   


Love and Light,

Dream Sex With Lance Armstrong

Is there a word in the English language that combines the feelings of both excitement and anxiety? Besides the word marriage, I can't think of one. The reason I'm asking is I need to describe how I feel about my intuitive abilities. My feelings are so mixed. They wax and wane. They keep me awake with anticipation. They wear me out with fear. They give me hope that I have finally found the reason for my existence. They give me bad dreams.