Dream Sex With Lance Armstrong

Is there a word in the English language that combines the feelings of both excitement and anxiety? Besides the word marriage, I can't think of one. The reason I'm asking is I need to describe how I feel about my intuitive abilities. My feelings are so mixed. They wax and wane. They keep me awake with anticipation. They wear me out with fear. They give me hope that I have finally found the reason for my existence. They give me bad dreams.